Many times I have had fears in my life. Fears that seemed to hold me back as to learning what my true potential could be. As I grew it was negative idea’s that influenced the better part of my thinking because I was always around negative people. My home life was that of constant fighting and in between the fighting was small periods of quiet conscientious thought as to what I now believe my whole family must have been thinking. The thoughts of is this all there is or will ever be.
My father was a man who may have had big dreams and may have guessed that he would one day achieve them. However he was not a dream chaser or a man that could visualize his future as anything bigger than the small world he created with my mother, who at times was a controlling power house when it came to anything that took place in our lives.
I could not say why she chose to marry my father. After these many years I wonder what it truly was. What was she thinking the night he proposed. Did she marry my father out of true love or some sort of pitiful acceptance that perhaps no one with a better offer would come her way. However I feel that she may have known that my father was a content man as to his lot in life the way he saw it.
A life to be employed or in service of others. One he may have believed was the life he had to do because he had a family to support.
However before that family and my mother I have to ask would he have understood the fundamentals of becoming a true success. As I have lived with my family it seems small hills were huge triumphs for my father well the down falls off those hills seem to stick with him always as some one stuck in a situation that had know hope of changing.
So he never tried.
In much of my life I believe it was that reason there were so many negatives in our home. It was my father’s despair as to what he had chosen to do with his life that seemed to be forced on all of us in the house.
My mothers decision in marrying my dad knowing that he would never change or try for anything other than what he held in his hands. Makes me question the ideas that she as well may never of had the will to see beyond the now.
Her future was a mother then for many years that was her job if she wanted more there was really no sign because I never noticed my mother ever striving for anything other than being part of the family dynamics. Many of the fights in the house as I grew up were about money and the lack there of. However I always thought if money was such a concern and really mattered why had she or my father not taken the steps to change there lot in life. I thought maybe they were afraid and had a fear as I have had of utter complete failure so to avoid it they never tried to achieve anything. In that since cementing all that they did. Negative wisdom of don’t try and you will not be disappointed when your efforts do not achieve success.
They could not see the forest for the trees. Blinded so much with the possibility of failure and being poor they became just what they were so afraid of. Poor and in negative failures struggling for years to achieve that which gave them so much fear.
So they never got it.
They never broke the chain of acceptance. Even later after my mother went back to work she never tried for any of the top positions in the job. It was always one job level just above her pay grade that she spent many years trying to obtain.
I asked her once would her time have been better spent working for the position that would have given her the maximum pay instead of working always under some one for minimal wages that forced her to work longer hours to show she was worthy of that ten or twenty cent raise. That took just as many if not more years to achieve as it would have taken to study for the best position. She tried to say that she did not want the better position.
The fact is many people convince themselves that they do not want true success because they are living in fear as to gaining true success. Many people have low self esteem to the point that if they understood how to gain success they would realize to maintain it they would have to change there mind set and become positive and draw only positive to themselves. It is so much easier for most to remain negative and pull others down to that negative point of view. Because some how it gives them a justification for the reason they are failures as to attaining the dream of life long success we all want.
It is a fact that from the day we are born we all want stuff the better the stuff the more we want it. The human condition is never satisfied with anything they have. If something has a value placed on it the human mind starts thinking that it must have it regardless whether it’s something we need.
We are all brought up on the thought newer is better and when we see others who have the newer things we begin to make up reasons as to why we do not have those things. We say we do not want them or we are not interested in having the bills that come with the life style. However we are all liars. We all want everything that every one else has. Now here is the big trick we all could very well have anything we want from jobs to items to nice houses to what ever we dream. So why do we not have these things.
The idea was always in my mind as I grew up however I never realized the problem was not in me however in the way I was shown the world by those that I grew up with. I was never shown how to gain success. I was shown how to be a failure in a home of people who also was never shown how to be a success as they grew.
I do not blame my father or my mother for my life’s failures I blame myself for not seeing that I did not have to follow the same paths they chose for their lives. Each moment I have achieved success was a wasted moment in my life looking for my families approval as to that success. Because they would never see it or understand something they had never achieved or had.
It’s funny when I think about my schooling I ask myself why did I get good grades. Was it because I wanted to achieve them or was it because it was what would have made others happy. I remember working so hard on my grades one year and was so proud to have achieved a c+ average. To me that was a huge achievement of success because it really was a subject that I really did not like or seemed to be good at. My excitement turned to utter distain when my father and mother looked at the grade and yelled at me saying I had no reason to be proud of being average. I could have worked harder or done better. At the time I did not know what to say.
However today I would think back and say we are the products of the negatives around us always and each man’s success is weighed and measured by the positives that create a true will in us to do better.
If my mother and father would have said they were proud of me and that next time I should even try harder to even get a better grade. My mind would have leapt to the next hill as saying your right I could do better if I achieved this then I can achieve anything. Moving my young mind forward. However their failure in belief in me became my failure in belief in myself and placed me in a negative as to feeling I was unable to be anything but average so why bother.
I do not know why in our lives we are subject to this kind of training.
What purpose does it serve?
Many of us have all been part of this type of life and now when we see a desire we see it as something to be feared instead of explored as to how fare we can go achieve it.
Today I listened to a phone call with a prospective client who was so worried as to what others opinions may be toward her that she began to emphasize her success was determined by what others made or did in their lives. It made me think of my child hood those many years ago.
We must all understand out of this lesson that our success in life has nothing to do with anyone except what we see and feel are achievements. Each life is different with different wants and desires that all are for the best we can obtain. Rather it be someone else’s thought we must measure ourselves not by their wills but our own and if we start to see that as a society then we most certainly will go to a more positive prosperous world.
With mentoring for free you will find people who do not judge on how big or small achievements are however we nurture them to become the most they can be and all they can be by positive reinforcement of new ideas that out shadow the old negative ones.
Life is a winding road that we all travel no matter where we start or where we find ourselves we can all help each other get off the winding road of short failures to a strait road that leads to success in the highest positions.
Tammy and Mark Cowell
Ready when you are to celebrate in your life time success no matter how you picture it. Start today by reading the free E-book Success In 10 Steps by clicking the link in the sidebar.
